A letter to my sweet Noah,
I’m typing this out as your birth was the day I realised I’m stronger than I’d ever imagined.
This time around I was determined to have a successful natural birth. I’d joined several VBAC support groups and while I’d learnt a lot there, I came to the conclusion we were going to use a private midwife (in a public hospital) and practise hypnobirthing for our water birth at the hospital. It was hypnobirthing where I’d learnt so much more and was 100% excited for your labour and birth.
In the weeks leading up to your birth we were told you were posterior so I began chiropractic, osteotherapy and acupuncture. Your Dad and I did all the exercises to help loosen my body and get you into the right position for birth.
In order for me to get my water birth, you had to come before 42 weeks and I had to have scans at 41+6 to confirm all is well, I was beginning to stress. I had a phone call with my hypnobirthing practitioner and a big cry to a midwife who I’d never met before, Heather (my midwife had taken emergency leave). Both of whom mentioned I need to put my fear release track on – I took some alone time and did just that. I had so much stress and angerI was holding back from my previous birth trauma.
Heather came over and I had a stretch and sweep that afternoon (I was 3cm and my cervix was very soft) and contractions started 30 minutes later – I just assumed they were cramping from the sweep. They were 5 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds each – this lasted all night and I managed to get two hours of broken sleep. Before she left we agreed I would see her the following day and we booked an appointment for 12:30pm
The following day we dropped our daughter off at her Grandparents and headed into the hospital where the contractions were getting closer in time and alternating from 30-45 seconds long. Walking from the hospital across the road for imaging I had a BIG contraction – I remember leaning against the wall of a construction site. As I waited for scans in the waiting area, I couldn’t sit still and had to sway with each contraction – knowing everyone was watching me on the tail end of covid. I experienced three contractions while getting my scans, which were extremely uncomfortable given I was on my back.
We were able to see Heather on the way home 30 minutes prior to our appointment and we were out by 12.30pm – I didn’t know it at the time but I was still 3cm and effaced, she asked why I hadn’t put my TENS machine on. – I was still in denial that I was in labour, trying to be ‘brave’ and breathe through each contraction following our hypnobirthing techniques. Right before we left she asked if I had any fears, the only fear I had was giving birth in the car on the way home or to hospital. She told me to grab a bite to eat and rest.
On the way home we went over the main road that goes straight to the hospital. I made light of the situation, joking that perhaps we ought to be heading there instead and might have to make a dash as soon as we arrived back home.
I had another two really big contractions on the way home but we decided to run to the shops to grab some lunch. We got to the main roundabout at the shops, Grant indicated to turn right and I yelled to turn left into McDonalds. I had two big contractions while waiting for our food to be ready.
Upon arriving home at 12:50pm, I made a beeline for the bathroom to relieve myself. However, as soon as I sat down, I felt nauseated and requested a bucket. I made my way to the playroom, with bucket in hand and turned around to go to Georgia’s bedroom, my waters broke. Grant asked if I needed to contact the head midwife, Shannon (she would contact whoever was on shift), I initially declined. However, my next contraction changed my mind, and I yelled for him to call her. He called her and walked towards me where I yelled to put her on loudspeaker. It was from here that my volume and language started to increase rapidly. Now leaning over the couch in the playroom and with Shannon on FaceTime, Grant had to cut my knickers off and I had to put my fingers inside and see what I could feel, I responded with “There’s a fucking head”. I was in utter disbelief and I will never forget feeling my baby inside of me.
It was here Shannon told Grant to call an Ambulance (1:22pm), tell them I’m in active labour about to have a baby and hang up. She knew Heather was close by, the ambulance wouldn’t be far away and she wanted him to be present for us both. The paramedic told Grant to get me on my back, but he knew that is the most uncomfortable position to give birth. Grant wanted to ensure the paramedic didn’t get lost so stayed on the phone until Shannon yelled at him “Grant, you’re useless to me, hang up”.
Heather turned up at 1:33pm and the paramedics at 1:36.
While we were waiting for Heather to turn up I remember Shannon telling me between contractions “Just breathe, we’re going to make it to hospital” and “Congrats Nat, You’re going to get your VBAC”. Looking back now, I knew full well we weren’t making it to hospital – but it was exactly what I needed to hear.
Grant could hear the ambulance a mile away and heard someone turn up. It was Heather, she went to open the front door but it was locked. She ran in through the garage and Grant had a sign of relief “Ah, thank god it’s Heather”. It was instant relief he didn’t have to catch you and that a medical professional was here should something go wrong.
Heather struggled to find a heartbeat as you were so low, even after checking 10+ times so we had to get you out. I will never forget Heather saying “You’re okay, I need you to have this baby. I need you to trust me”. Even now, almost two years later when I tell my daughter to trust me it takes me back to this day.
Looking back, I remember the paramedic asking where the kettle was for Heather to do perineal pressure, Grant responded that it was ‘in the kitchen, behind the sink’. In the midst of a contraction, I yelled that the right button needed to be held down for it to turn on.
As I progressed through a few contractions my body assumed control, and I instinctively pushed and repositioned myself to a squatting posture and with the next contraction you were out. I had pushed your head and shoulders out in one big push. Once I was comfortable it was instant relief and absolute utter shock that I had achieved my VBAC in one hour and twenty minutes after leaving our midwife, my sweet baby boy was born.
Once you were out you took a breath but they had to remove the fluid from your lungs before you took another. Once you resumed normal breathing, I held you on my chest and we waited 10 minutes before the paramedics offered a shot of syntocin to help remove the placenta. I remember Heather responding she’ll wait another 10 minutes before giving me the shot. I had come this far with no drugs and was adamant I wasn’t going to have the shot, the next contraction it was out.
We sat there in our oxytocin bubble in awe of what had just happened. We went through all the placenta checks, your Dad cut the cord and mum was able to witness it this time around.
The Paramedics and midwives gathered my clothes, cleaned the floor, did a load of washing and left a resuscitation machine for Georgia as it was unused.
I was able to get up and shower alone, soaking in everything that had just happened. Hopped out of the shower, ate two bananas, a bag of jellybeans and took my ice cold Coke in the ambulance with me.
Our birth announcement to our family was a video of you, Dad and Heather, turning it around to show me sitting proudly in the stretcher with my still cold soft drink. We arrived at the hospital around 4.30pm where they stitched me up and we checked your measurements.
Using a private midwife was the best decision of our whole pregnancy, at no point did I ever feel pressured, judged or coerced. In fact it was quite the opposite, these ladies were much more than just midwives, they had become our friends, our family. Family who truly want the best for you and genuinely care about you and your growing family. I will be eternally grateful for their love and support throughout our journey.
We were granted everything we had wished for in our birth plan with the exclusion of a water birth, however it was better than we could have imagined and I would absolutely do it all over again.
